They tell you how hard it is
to keep going
to make that commitment
to accept the void
that exists in your life
without trying to fill it,
without trying to sate the beast.
You train for it
you put the supports in place
build your fortress
ready for the long seige.
But they don't tell you
How hard it is to convince yourself
that you're not a shitty person,
They don't tell you
How to forgive yourself.
They don't tell you
how hard it is
to be with other people
and feel so far away.
They don't tell you
how hard that first shot hits,
and you don't find out
until it's in your gut
and there you are
locked in the fortress you built
with the pain
that makes you who you are
as that slow poison seeps through you.
Another failed attempt.
How many has it been?
Chalk up the failure
to addiction.
But deep down you know
you're an addict
No matter how long you stay sober.