I wrote this piece as an assignment for a creative writing course I took at uni and it's been sitting in my computer for about 10 years since then. I remember attaching to the idea of large numbers because the formatting style of the work had to write out in full the name of the number. So I co-opted an older piece of mine that I never finished that would have been more uplifting and made it into this.
I was never really happy with how this piece ended, I always felt as though the oyster/pearl metaphor was clunky and overdone. That being said other people seemed to like it.
Obviously this piece deals with depression and suicidality. If this has left you feeling down I suggest you take some time to look after yourself. Go do something you enjoy, reach out to someone you love, and/or someone who loves you.
TL